Gasp!

I guess, I've never appreciated Saturdays and Sundays before more than the way I do after I got hired for my first job. Yeah, I've waited for it like a rain in the middle of the dessert, or Christmas in the middle of June. But why oh why, these two days seem too short that it only feels like a gasp before you take another of life's swift blow at work for the next weekend.

Mondays to Fridays. It's the five longest days of my week. Sometimes I don't even want to know what day it is so I don't really have to long for weekends like a starved kid. But when the time comes that I have to drag my feet to work, and the thought of the weekend suddenly cross my mind, heavens! I suddenly light up like up a newly installed light bulb!

Oh, who wouldn't long for a weekend, those two short days when you can actually chose what to do with your time without even worrying if you're being rightfully paid or if you are doing what you're supposed to do to meet deadlines. It's like finally letting out that deep breath you are unconsciously holding for five long days. It's a reward that is worth more than you're pay slip. It's life. Yes it is.

So continue looking forward for these two days. Plan a vacation, a date, or simple meet ups with friends. Let your long hair lose and dress up. Feel beautiful and stress free for a day. And REST. Yes, don't forget to sleep and eat right to let your body catch up with your heavy work load ahead.

Here! Let's take time to breathe out, and enjoy the simple joys of life this weekend and make it more than a gasp, more than a 48 hour work free day.

Happy weekend everyone! :)

Big Boys Do Cry...

"You are my first star at night,

and I'll be lost in space without you..."

Here it goes again. It's playing on repeat. And every time it does, I know exactly what is happening...

It's my mom's favorite song, Lost in Space, by Lighthouse family, something that hit the airwaves back in the 90s. Maybe not so many know this song, but in our home, it's like a lullaby, or a love song, or a song of grief. Long ago, it was played in our home for the first time on a mothers day, on a cassette player. I even tried to have my rendition of this song although it is for a male voice and a key lower for my voice. But when my mom died, it started to be played as a way to cope with grief, or to shake off sadness. When mom died, my boys, my brothers, played it on repeat every lonely day, like this day is.

Yes, big boys do cry, and how I wish I can draw them close to my arms every time. But I know I can't and I should not. I can never give comfort the way my mom did, it will be more painful for all of us. So I let them have their own time, a time to shed their tears silently, until such time they'll be ready to stand up again for themselves, for us.

I remember the day when we received the call that told us about mom. I was cooking sopas for our breakfast back then. It was almost done, but my tongue couldn't even taste a thing and I couldn't even swallow because of the lump inside my throat. I was trying hard not to burst into tears, especially in front of my two brothers. They need me, they need me to be strong. So I said, "Kain muna, kain muna tayo..."

Earlier, it was almost the same thing. I prepared something for our dinner, and called up for my brother. When he went down, his eyes were still red from crying, but I smiled. That smile. I know it will never be enough to take their tears away but I smiled, a reassuring smile and talked about trivial things, and talked about the world, as if I never heard them grieve or saw them cry. Yes, they are my boys who cry over their loss, but they are my men, the men I always count one. So I have to be their girl, who fights and tease them like a cat, and their woman whit whom they could find the strength to go on.

Oh God, thank you for the luxury to see them crying.. Their vulnerability is something I really treasure, but Lord, it breaks my heart, it weakens me. Although I tried to stand firm for them

I still wobble with their tears. So please, dry their tears away and comfort them in your loving arms, and teach me to be the woman they need, Lord.

After having our dinner, my brother rushed to his work. He said he needed some distraction. And once again, he strides like a big man out into the world.

Big Boys do cry...

And when they're done, they look up, and wonderfully turns into a man.

Out of the comfort zone...

Today is our fifth day since we came out of our training room to do our live work. Yes, it certainly feels like being a chick pushed out of our nest to fly on our own and once again I realized how cruel this world is.


The training room has been our comfort zone for almost a month. It sheild us away from the scrutinizing eyes of the senior editors and other team leads. In that room, we were allowed to be dumb, to commit mistakes, to ask innocent questions, to laugh like we don't care, to waste our time like we're not being paid, and play around when no one's looking. But now, we're here, out in the open, acting and moving like everyone else. Now, the expectations to perform accurately and with full productivity can almost be felt and seen as thick as a fog. Somehow, it's sickening. Yes, I felt suddenly sick like when you're pushed off the cliff with nothing to hold on to but yourself. Now, I have to stand for myself more than ever. If I have to fall seven times, I'll get up eight times.


This is... GROWING UP.

Confidence boost! :)

Happy first month team mates! :)

It's been a month of information overload, of trying to pass this training, of making ourselves enjoy the best out of this work.

Thank you for the small, honest and harmless compliments you give me. Maybe you'll think that's nothing, but to have you seated beside me just to spend some of our break time talking about nothing in particular makes me feel so good. Thank you for hearing me out and trying to understand the reasons why I am like this way or the other (specifically, why I'm always late or sleepy! LOL!). Thank you for making the eight hours I spend in our office worthwhile and more enjoyable. Thank you for reminding me not to be like this or like that, thank you because it makes me feel how really care for me and how you accept me just in case I won't change right away. Thank you for hearing me rant about our work and joining me in my wailing then the pressure gets too tough on us. Thank you for making me feel like it's okay to excel because we will support each other all the way to the top, yet I also want to thank you for understanding me when I don't stand a thing and I don't seem to pick up things the way I should.

Thank you guys... :)

I'll be forever thankful to have each and everyone of you..

*huuuugs! :)

-tonying