Monday, July 4, 2011

Times My Mom Stood Up For Me.

Today has been another great day spent beneath the bookshelf inside a store somewhere in MOA. This time I grabbed a book written by Mitch Albom entitled For One More Day.

At the end of every chapter is a brief anecdote where the main character listed down a scenario in which his mom stood up for him and the times when he DID NOT stand up for his mother. I know we all have that brief moment when our mothers actually did something we would never imagine just to fight for us. But we also have those times when we actually let down our mothers when the situation calls for us to stand for that woman.

Today, I want to share the first thing that came into my mind when I reflect about the times Mama stood up for me, and maybe the times I did not stand up for her.

A time when Mama stood up for me:

I was the leader of our thesis group and feeling responsible and superwoman that I was, I make sure to always go extra mile in doing my part as their leader. My mom saw how much I drive myself crazy that time and she was utterly concerned about me.

One day, when I came home, I wore that same exasperated look she always hate. After some time, she got me talking about my day and what made me feel so tired. And I told her about a father of my thesis mate who threatened to talk to our College Dean about my conflict about his daughter. I was really crying because of the tension wearing down on me, but she stood there, feeling so angry, backing me up and telling me that whatever happens she knows and everybody knows what I did for our thesis group and that she will fight for me if she should.

Luckily the conflict with my thesis group resolved on its own, but that actually made me realize how my mother can turn into a gabriela silang if she really has to defend me. :)

Time I did not stand up for my mother:

I know there might be a hundred times when I did not stand up for her, but I guess this was the last time I could let her down.

Before she died, my mother had been sick for almost three months. Those three dragging months of taking care of her, of attending to her needs, of giving in to her whims, really wore me down.

And in a fateful night of May, days before I graduated, I told her, “hindi ko na kaya, ma..” Being childish and the youngest in the family, I know I haven’t realized what my words actually meant to her. But right at that moment all that was important to me was that I was tired of taking care of her, and all I was asking was that she fight her sickness for all of us, and once again be that woman who would stand up for me when I say, “hindi ko na kaya, ma..”

But then she died, and I know I will forever remember that night that my weakness overshadowed my love for her. If I only knew that it would be my last time to stand up for her, I know I would give up everything to be the girl who would stand up for her.

The most wonderful thing about it? She understood me. As gentle and loving as she was, she loved me in my weakness and cried her love for me for the last time.

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